Managing the Fear of New Medication/Treatment

Managing Fear: Hi friends, welcome back. I'm sorry about last week. I missed an episode, I wasn't feeling well. I had to take a little bit of a pause and give myself permission to do that. I'm feeling better this week and I'm excited to get back to you. This episode that I'm about to give, if you've ever had been handed a prescription and you felt your stomach drop, then this is the episode for you. Today we're talking about something that doesn't get said out loud enough. The fear of starting a medication or treatment. The hesitation. The Googling. The spiraling. But what if this makes things worse thoughts? And if that's you, you're not alone because I for sure have been there too and I have talked to several, I mean countless other people, women that have been in this position as well. ⁓ You get one hour with your doctor the first time you're diagnosed if you're lucky and you walk out there with a prescription and don't worry, you'll be fine and that's it. So let's today, let's, Let's just normalize the fear. Let's just call it what it is. This fear makes sense. It really does. You're already dealing with a body that feels unpredictable, and now you're being asked to trust something new that's going into it. So you're gonna ingest this new medication, and we're just gonna trust our bodies that are super unpredictable, and we have no idea, there's no way to predict how it's gonna react to this medication either. It's not just to take this and you'll be fine. It's a what are the side effects? What if I react badly? What if this changes me? What if I don't take it and I regret that too? It's a lose lose feeling sometimes. And let's be real, it's exhausting. It really is. ⁓ I can remember. The first time, this is probably like the seventh or eighth medication that I was prescribed, and it was one of those injectable humera, emerald, whatever. Medication was I don't I honestly don't even remember but and I had to Inject it myself into my thigh and it was an auto pen thing They told me it was gonna be a syringe but so I was prepared for actually having to draw it and ⁓ do the do it myself as I had seen but this was like 10 15 years ago and I had never seen one of these like push-button things I did not know what to expect. My doctor office didn't go through it with me. So I sat in my bathroom and I had this medication and it took me, I don't know, 25 minutes the first time I ever did it. ⁓ to do it. I just sat there hemming and harming, scared to death, didn't know what to do, didn't know what to expect, hoped I was gonna do it right, what if I did it wrong, what if I drip the medication out, what if I don't get it, all of these what ifs. actually it was very painful, I wasn't expecting the pain to be there, so then every time going forward for the months that I was on it, ⁓ it took me about an hour and half to ⁓ up the nerve to actually inject it to myself because I was scared. ⁓ And that fear comes in, a lot of it, into place. Because ultimately what we're afraid of is the loss of control. When our health is already shaking, giving control to a medication can feel terrifying. And I don't know about you, but I like to control things. As a mother, I wouldn't say I'm super controlling, but I like things to go the way that I want things to go. And there, we're not going the way. My body was not happy with me. ⁓ It was super unpredictable. And I'm being asked to trust everything. And it was difficult. ⁓ So that medication ended up not working for me and I had to get over that and move on and try another one. I think some of the fear is also coming from is ⁓ overload. We are literally bombarded every single day with the next miracle treatment, ⁓ also ⁓ next horror story online of what these medications are doing to you. ⁓ I have a really strong opinion ⁓ mindset of changing medications and what to think about. We're going to get into that a little bit later when you are taking them, ⁓ I think your mindset ⁓ huge here. ⁓ about you bring about. that how they say it? Yeah, what you think about you bring about. ⁓ And constantly being stuck in this fear-based decision-making model is just bringing more negativity. So we're going to talk about that in a minute. another thing that fear, another place that fear comes from is, is trust, trusting our doctors, trusting the system, trusting our own instincts. When everything feels confusing, it's just, it's not just the medication, it's everything that's wrapped around it. We have to trust our own bodies to respond in a way that will be healing when we don't trust our own bodies to get out of bed in the morning. It's, it's a very, conflicting place to be, internal battle. ⁓ ⁓ part no one really talks about when you're sitting there thinking, I want to feel better, ⁓ what if this makes it worse? ⁓ are you going back and forth sometimes for weeks and sometimes for months? ⁓ about this. Sometimes you don't take the medication because you just, you want to feel better, but you're afraid it's going to make you feel worse. And then there's also the guilt that's involved, the guilt for delaying the treatment, the guilt for questioning your doctor, the guilt for even being in this position at all. It's a mental load on top of a physical load. And I don't know about you, but I don't ever remember in 16 years that I've been dealing with these issues. Has a doctor ever asked me how I'm doing? mentally. I don't think anyone's ever asked me that. How are you feeling they'll say that and then I tell them I'm whatever. No one's ever talked to me about the emotional side of this. outside of any sort of holistic person that I've seen that those people have but as far as like you know my rheumatologist goes and I've had several because I've moved and Insurance has changed over the years and I've had to switch it up But no one's ever talked to me about the mental load on top of the physical one ⁓ So let's talk a little bit about a healthier way to approach all of this, because I don't think the goal is to eliminate the fear altogether. I think the goal is to make a decision with the fear, but just not be ruled by it. A few things that have helped me is to ask better questions. I wasn't very good at this because I was 29 when I was diagnosed and I didn't have a single clue about the medical system or how it worked or insurance. ⁓ I was a healthy person. Outside of a sports injury, I literally never went to a doctor. because I just was healthy. So this whole world was so new to me and it took me a long time to realize that I have to ask better questions. Like what are the real risks? ⁓ Because like the insert in the medication is scary. What are the benefits? What happens if I wait? How long is it gonna take for me to get joint damage? Can I pause on this for a minute? I need to reflect on this. Because ultimately, they make you wait on these medications. You can't take this medication, X medication, and you have to be on it for six months to nine months before they'll say whether or not you have failed it or ⁓ if it's working for you. time is of the essence, but you have time to wait, and you have time to try to eliminate the noise. Not every story online is yours. Let me repeat that, not every story online is yours. And just because somebody failed a medication and had a horrible reaction to it does not mean that you are going to fail that medication and have a horrible reaction to it. Every body is different and every body will react differently. And you have to give yourself enough space and permission to go slow and to navigate your path. the way that you feel is best in the decision processing that you're making. So you can take time to process it. It doesn't mean you're failing. It's more important to remember that doing nothing is also a decision, and it deserves the same level of thought. Now, I'm not suggesting you don't do anything and you ignore this disease and you just have... Miserable joint damage because that's not what I'm saying at all But I am saying it is okay to take a pause and think about what you're doing and being okay with it ⁓ I Will say one of the things ⁓ really because I went ⁓ or six years without medication ⁓ I advise that no do I regret it ⁓ No? ⁓ Would I do it differently? Yes, I would. So should have gone back to medications a lot sooner than I did. I think I would have had less damage. But I needed to go through that. I needed ⁓ know that I had done everything that I could possibly do to make myself ⁓ or better in order to fully let go of the fear of these medications. ⁓ And what they were gonna do to me because now I've tried everything in the book I've literally I've put myself into financial hardship for this I've done every single thing that I can do and I'm now in a position where I'm starting to get damage that is irreversible and I have got to make a better decision than just doing nothing or just doing all the other things I needed to add I needed to marry the two so I don't regret the decision but I needed to admit to myself a lot sooner than I that this wasn't working. And I needed to make peace with that decision. ⁓ was hard and it was heavy and it took me a long time to get there, but the truth is that peace doesn't always come from knowing you made the perfect choice. It comes from deciding ⁓ you're going to think about the choices you make ⁓ you're going to make them ⁓ rational, ⁓ beneficial way for you. ⁓ That's the part that we can control. We can control the way we think about the decisions that we're making. We can decide about a medication or treatment. When we decide to take a medication, your brain is automatically going to look for the danger. It's trying to protect you. It's what we do. That's why a lot of people live in fear, because they're fearful, because their brain is telling them, danger, danger, danger. And I get it. I've been there. But sometimes it goes into overdrive. It's worst case scenario, what ifs, what ifs that haven't even happened. And then you get stuck ⁓ this analysis paralysis, fear mongering treatment mode here. ⁓ instead of trying to shut it it off completely. What I tried to do is redirect. I mentioned this before. In my mindset, I've tried to use simple affirmations ⁓ when I first went back to medications. I was a huge advocate of not taking any medications, so it was a struggle for me. I ⁓ a story about a woman who started taking medications and as they were being ⁓ into her she was doing I think it was a infusion ⁓ ⁓ She sat in the room ⁓ ⁓ of the fear of ⁓ my god. How is this gonna make me feel? ⁓ this gonna give me cancer is this going to make me sick is this going ⁓ sat there and she said ⁓ after affirmation of of this medica- and she was visualizing in her head, this is gonna sound crazy, but ⁓ these medications actually affecting her cells and healing cells and getting rid of cells that were damaged and saying, know, giving herself permission to see healing inside of her body as she was taking this. Now, they say what you focus on, you know, well, Becomes your reality, right? So she was really trying to focus on the medications working for her and not the medications giving her these horrible side effects. And she said it made all the difference. So that is basically what I tried to do. I would give myself affirmations of this medication is eliminating all of the inflammation in my body. It's reducing my pain threshold. It's reducing my inflammation markers and I was doing this over and over and over again in my head. And that sounds a little fluffy and a little woohoo-y, but... Again, what you focus on, you grow on. So I was just trying anything I could do to get this fear out of my head. And now when I go for my infusions, ⁓ I don't even think about it anymore. Now I've been on this one for a while, so I've had no side effects. I feel better. It's been going well. ⁓ ⁓ I think I had to eliminate the fear of going back on the medications and one of the ways I could do that was to train my brain to think about the positives that could come out of this and not think about the negatives that could come out of it. think that's what I'm trying to say here. I might have got little off track with that, but what if it works? What if it works? What if this is the treatment that's gonna work for you? And what if you tell yourself it's going to work? Your mind has power. I tell this to my kids all the time. Your mind is a very powerful place. Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you are correct. So whether you think this medication is going to heal you or if you think this medication is going to destroy you, unfortunately, you might have a little bit of say in that. What is that called? I what it's called. ⁓ Anyways, ⁓ mindset shift and affirmations tools that I used really helped me to get over this ⁓ of medications and fear of treatments. ⁓ you know what? Everything in life ⁓ trial and error. ⁓ the ⁓ you're born, the first steps you take, was trial and error. ⁓ it's gonna be that way until the day you die. ⁓ gonna try things that are gonna work and they're not gonna work. ⁓ they're not gonna work and that's gonna be fine. So instead of this constant fear, I'm gonna shift the inner dialogue. What if this goes horribly wrong? How about I'll try whatever comes one step at a time. I'll handle whatever comes one step at a time. I will give this a shot. It's one step at a time. I'm scared of making the wrong decision. I made the best decision I could with the information I have right now. So maybe the affirmation is a simple, this is the best medication I have at my disposal right now and I'm gonna try it and give it a shot to work. These shifts, they don't erase the fear, but it takes a ton from a 10 to something more manageable. And that's what we're all trying to do with these different treatments. We're trying to make it more manageable. I I touched a little bit on this, but a few things I've told myself. ⁓ I'm to make thoughtful, imperfect decisions about my health. ⁓ My deserves support and not fear. ⁓ I don't have to predict the future to take the next step. I can trust myself to adjust if something doesn't feel right. Go with your gut, especially as mothers. We have this good gut intuition. And if you just don't think that this is feeling right, then trust that. This decision that I'm making right now, this was a tough one for me, does not define me. It's just one step in my journey. This decision that I'm making right now does not define me. It's just one step in my journey. And I'm not powerless in this process. I can use positive affirmations and prayer and all of that. If it does nothing else, it shifts your mindset into a happier place, which has an effect on your body and on your attitudes and the way you live your life. When you're constantly in this fear model, It's a constant battle. You don't feel good. You're miserable. Your brain's telling you that it's miserable and everything is just dark and depressing. So what we want to do is choose progress over paralysis. Today is a baby step, and that's okay. Today, my only step is my body deserves support and not fear. And I'm just gonna say that 100 times today. I'm gonna say that five times today. I'm gonna say that three times today. It doesn't matter what it is, say it and say it with meaning. My body deserves support and not fear. I don't have to predict the future to take the next step. I can move in faith of the next step that something is going to change for the positive by this decision that I'm making. You don't need a huge routine. This can be very simple. can be brushing your teeth, saying, put a Post-it on your mirror. And when you're brushing your teeth, I'm not powerless in this process. I have power. I'm not powerless in this process. I have power. I'm not powerless in this process. This decision doesn't define me. It's just one step in my journey. This decision doesn't define me. It's just one step in my journey. Take the pressure off. Take the pressure off. When your mind starts spiraling, and it will, and it does, pause, take a breath, pick one sentence that feels true enough and repeat it. That's it. Not because you fully believe it yet, but because you're practicing believing in something that helps you move forward instead of staying stuck. You're practicing something that helps you to move forward instead of staying stuck. So yes, it's okay to take the time you need, but you do need to move too. And take the time and then make the decision to try and be okay with that decision. Be okay with that decision. And you know what? ⁓ peace with the decision doesn't mean you're never going to second guess it. So ⁓ that ⁓ important. ⁓ just means that you're going to ⁓ letting fear run the show. ⁓ means that you can say, I've thought through this. ⁓ asked the questions. ⁓ now I'm going to move forward and support myself ⁓ the way. ⁓ and that's what actually looks in space. ⁓ I'm at peace with the decision I made. asked the questions. I thought it through. ⁓ I'm moving forward ⁓ to support myself ⁓ I have some in this and what piece is gonna look like. ⁓ So I hope this was helpful. ⁓ if you have any thoughts or anything you'd like to add, please leave a comment, like, share this quick little 20 minute episode I've got going on today. And I appreciate your time. And I'd love to hear from you. If you want to share your story or if you have anything to add, please let me know. I'd love to hear from you. Have a great day.